Important Things To Consider
Changing your life is difficult work. What it entails are varying degrees of acknowledging, confronting, and letting go of habits, beliefs, and tendencies that have been wedded into the very fabric of one’s being; they have become who we find ourselves to be, even if the tendencies are ones, we “know” are unhealthy. Simply put, we do not want to give up these habits and change as readily as we may want to believe.
To be capable of beginning such a process one must be willing to acknowledge, to some degree, the issues they want to work on, along with displaying some degree of willingness to challenge those issues and be open to change.
There are not many times in life where the word “ruthless” is appropriate. But if one is going to cultivate some kind of ruthlessness then the most viable option is to be ruthlessly self-honest. For change to occur one has to be as honest, but also, as self-accepting as possible. We cannot change what we cannot first acknowledge and accept.
We do so with honesty and self-compassion. Suffering has to be confronted. That is, one must cultivate the ability to walk in the direction of what hurts and what one fears if it is to be transformed into something healthier and more sustainable.
It can be difficult to tolerate the interval between being without one’s old habits and finding new more healthy ways to replace them. Such a process is not for everyone; it is difficult, trying, and painful, but it is also joyful, wondrous, and contenting. Most therapists and life coaches will often fail to acknowledge these realities in such terms. That is because most therapists and counselors have not ever been committed to the task of trying to understand who they are with as much depth as the process calls for. I am here to help you find your own path and to walk it. But the truth is, whether you know it or not, you’ve been on that path your whole life.
#1 Do It For Yourself.
Choosing to come here is first and foremost an investment in yourself. Please do not sign up for sessions exclusively at the behest of someone else in your life. Coming to these sessions because someone else wants you to will most likely not be beneficial. There is no point in doing sessions if you feel your life is well and as good as it can be. And coming here to satisfy someone else will simply be a waste of time for both of us. That said, if you know your life could use improvement but are having trouble articulating how or why that’s the case, then I am more than happy to help you understand the situation better.
You have to take sole responsibility for your life since you are the one with the capacity to heal and to make your life feel wholesome and fulfilling. What I am here for is to provide you with tools in terms of support, encouragement, honesty, knowledge, and various practices and exercises to help you reach a place of self-integration. But ultimately you create your life of joy, empowerment, and wisdom.
#2 Be Willing To Be Vulnerable
Most of mental health and overall health is not a mystery. Various people have known the root causes and what it takes to heal for some time. The problem was that the answers they had were not convenient enough for most of the world, and the exercises and changes prescribed were deemed to be too difficult and unsettling. So, people want their lives to change but they don’t want to change their lives.
You may say, “I don’t want to be depressed.” You’re right, you don’t. You’re not attached to your depression, anxiety, or fear. Your attached to your conscious and unconscious conditionings that fuel such states. It is those conditionings you have built a sense of self around, and it is that self and those conditionings you don’t want to let go of.
We underestimate what we are holding on to and why. And there’s no one shot hopes or remedies of a “magic pill” type nature that will “cure” what can only be transformed by a willingness to change one’s life. Just like any other skill, this involves time, patience, and practice. The only real option is to find the courage to walk in the direction of your suffering and fear while being open to change. All tunnels have their light. The only difference is how long we must walk to reach it.
#3 There Are No Quick Fixes
Don’t be tricked or seduced by notions of quick fixes or silver bullets. Our society is saturated with notions of instant gratification whether it be get rich quick schemes, drop weight instantly pills and diets, and “feel better today” remedies. The truth is that nothing of real value comes without hard work, determination, and patience.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you can’t expect ten, twenty, or thirty + years of lifestyle habits and conditionings to change overnight. It’s been pointed out that it takes about 10,000 hours to become thoroughly accomplished in something. That’s the end game, the long journey. But you’ve been on this journey your whole life already! You’ve already learned important things, whether you’re 17 or 90! We’re all blessed with various gifts. Because of this, some changes will come easy and some will be more difficult. We will draw on those experiences, expand on them, and use it to go deeper.
Whatever faults, wounds, fears, and shortcomings you may have, in truth, they are all just opportunities for learning and improving. People fail at various tasks, whether it involves becoming a great musician, an athlete, an entrepreneur, or improving their mental, spiritual and physical health because they fail to walk towards their weak points, issues, and fears; they fail to embrace them as opportunities. I’m here to help you do just that and share some wisdom and learning along the way.
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